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Wow.

It's been a long time since I pour my shitty thoughts into this bloggy-thingy.
I used to whine about "how life is treating me like I'm the biggest fool in the world when it comes to boys".

Played the waiting game for years, not having the nerve to make a move first. Well, I actually did, twice, but it didn't end well. For both attempts.

My first attempt was with this senior, who happens to be my closest choir buddy since high school. We went everywhere together, we watch films and series together, oh hell - we even have the same favorite series. He knew that I adore this male character who had beautiful blue eyes and a well-built body. It shattered me when he told me that he's chasing this scholarship to get his master's degree abroad. I started to freak out and acted - unknowingly by me - weird whenever I saw him. I stopped talking to him, he also stopped talking to me. I could only watch him from afar, caressing a blonde cat and feeding her. Until I took the initiative to knit him a scarf with my own hands - considering he is about to go to a 4-seasoned-country to study - which took me approximately two months to get it done. The time when he was scheduled to go abroad, I chased him to the airport, only to find that he was just about to board the plane while I was only 3/4 way there. I instructed the taxi driver to take me back to campus, and I cried. I was so sad that I cried without being loud. Surprisingly, he texted me before he took off.

"Hi, Wini. I know you have feelings for me. I know that you are chasing me to the airport just to see me. Remember that series that we used to watch together? The one that we both love? Do you know that I adore the same character as you do? I'm sorry that you have to find out this way. I hope you can forgive me and forget your feelings towards me. But we can still be friends, always."

Oh dang. I cried loudly as I read his text. Yes, he is gay. I fell in love with a man who obviously won't ever love me back. However, we both now are still friends. We're good.

My second attempt, well, I didn't really make a move first. But I fell for his move, that it hurt me so bad. I was in love with my own thesis partner. Actually, we were in love. No - actually I don't even know if he was. He dated my high school friend, who happened to work in one laboratory with us. He told me that he broke up with her. He would text me all day long, took me to movies, burger joints, fast food joints, and even street food stalls. He also dared to embrace me in the laboratory while his then-gf was around. I honestly did not know what to do so I sat still. Until one day, after we went home from a burger joint, he asked me to be his "forever" (yes, he really said that.) and hugged me. I honestly fell for his words, but I told him that I want to think about it first. He said,

"Ok, let me know tomorrow morning. I'll take you to my football match. 8am, be ready."

Hell, I was so excited that I didn't sleep all night long. Long story short, I accepted his proposal, hoped that he will actually be my forever. After a week or so, he looked anxious, like he was uncertain about something. Then he came clean to me that he was not actually broke up with his then-gf. I cried. I felt so betrayed. He, again, promised me.

"Don't cry. I promise you, I'll broke up with her. Don't worry."

I fell for his words, again. Stupid me. Indeed, he broke up with her eventually. But, he also ended his relationship with me, all while we were still half-way on getting our thesis done. I hated him to the bone, yet I still kinda loved him. But all my bucin-ness was gone once I met this Pakistani guy online. I will not talk about him since I wasn't even sure if it was a romantic relationship or not.

Okay, now for the good news.
I installed a popular dating app just for fun. Hell, I even put "can cook anything with only a rice cooker" for my bio. I casually swiping through the app, until I found this gorgeous guy (Yes, almost every time I fell for looks. But mostly for words, though.) and I swiped right. Ding ding ding, we've got a match!
Out of every man that matched with me, he was the only one who dared to ask for my instagram handler. We chatted on and on through DMs and ended up seeing each other over mie ayam. It was a really awkward date since he was really quiet and I was really shy. All the while he approached me, he tried to hold my hand. It was cute.
On a Saturday, he asked me to attend a wedding with him that night. I panicked since I got nothing to wear. Oh, girls. I asked my mom's advice and my friends to borrow their finest clothing just to look good in front of him. I was so thankful that I did that because apparently, he brought his parents with him to the wedding. My hands couldn't stop sweating. I tried to hang with his parents, even though it was really awkward. But on the bright side, they liked my jokes. Phew.
The next day, he took me to a mall. We went to a burger joint for dinner. He said that his parents like me. Oh dang... I didn't know what to do since I have never in this stage before. So I told him that my mom was also happy, knowing that I was seeing someone. Below is the most unromantic way of starting a relationship.

Me: So...
Him: My parents thought that we are already dating.
Me: My mom was too.
Him: So, I think maybe we should...
Me: Ya, I think so.

Ta-da, we dated.
After more than a year, he proposed to me. Yes, we are engaged now and planning for a wedding.

Laras, the old you have died. No more crying over boys. You have a man ready to protect you at all costs.

Congratulations.