Ini adalah titik terendah dalam hidupku.
Ditinggal orang yang dulu pernah bilang sayang
Yang pernah memuntahkan kata-kata manis
Yang dulu selalu melindungiku dari semuanya
Yang dulu janji menjadikan aku teman hidup dan mati.
Masih teringat ketika kamu tinggalkan bajumu di rumahku,
tadi malam baru saja kukenakan untuk mengenangmu
Wanginya masih seperti yang kuingat
Di malam ketika kamu memutuskan hubungan kita.
Tak hanya itu,
bahkan semua temanku meninggalkanku
Aku tak tahu kepada siapa lagi aku bisa berkeluh kesah
Sudah menjadi orang luar.




Mati adalah satu-satunya cara.

Mungkin aku imbisil
Mungkin aku terlalu bodoh
Terlalu bodoh untuk merasakan semuanya
Polos dan kaku dengan prinsip yang ada

Semua bilang, utarakanlah
Tapi aku tak bisa
Agaknya aku masih termakan dogma lama
Dimana wanita tak seharusnya mengutarakan

Prinsipku mulai goyah
Goyah karena air mata yang menetes sepanjang malam
Ingin ku hilangkan dogma yang masih tertanam
Namun sepertinya itu tertanam terlalu dalam

Credit to Estka. Thanks, man.

Surat Terbuka

Kepada Yth. Kamu
di tempat. Gak tau dimana.

Assalamu'alaikum Wr. Wb.
Salam sejahtera untuk kita semua.

Pertama-tama, bolehkah saya bilang, bahwa ini adalah surat terbuka saya yang pertama? Baiklah.
Kedua, ini untuk kamu. Baik kamu merasa atau tidak.
Ketiga, tidak usah dimasukkan hati. Walaupun memang tidak dimasukkan hati.

Sebenarnya, sudah lama (re : beberapa bulan kebelakang ini) saya merasakan sesuatu. Entah ada apa, saya pun tak tahu. Rasa ini menurut saya normal. Menurut saya pun rasa ini (semoga saja) tidak berlebihan.
Saya tahu, yang namanya false hope itu tidak ada. Harapan tidak ada yang benar ataupun salah. Saya tahu, kejadian ini hanya karena saya yang gede rasa.
Sudah seharusnya saya menjaga jarak dari awal, sudah seharusnya saya tahu akibat dari perbuatan saya ini.
Saya tahu, kamu orang yang baik. Bahkan hingga saya takut kalau kamu tidak hanya baik kepada saya, tetapi juga kepada orang lain.
Saya tahu, saya bukan orang yang spesial. Saya bukan orang yang menarik, dari segi fisik maupun mental. Saya tahu, kamu orang yang jauh lebih baik daripada saya. Saya berterimakasih sekali, seringkali kamu mengubah cara pandang saya terhadap hidup, walaupun sederhana. Cukup dengan kata-kata dan senyuman yang selalu terpancar.
Namun ternyata pancaran itu bukan untuk saya. Ternyata kamu memilih untuk memancarkannya kepada yang lain, yang mungkin jauh lebih membutuhkan dari pada saya. Tidak apa-apa, saya ikhlas. Mungkin dengan mengikhlaskan saya bisa melanjutkan hidup saya, hidup yang kini telah kamu ubah sebagian besar pandangannya. Hidup yang penuh dengan memori yang menurutku penting, namun mungkin menurutmu tidak penting sama sekali.
Saya tahu ini berlebihan. Saya tidak peduli. Entah kepada siapa lagi saya harus mencurahkan semua ini. Jadi, terima kasih untuk membaca surat terbuka ini. Saya tidak berharap apapun lagi darimu. Sekali lagi, terima kasih sudah mengisi hari-hari saya yang tidak penting.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, being a girl sucks.

Sometimes, being a girl makes me feel lucky.

But most of the time, it sucks.

I only get to wait.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And now I'm still waiting.

Probably until I'm no longer exist.

Kurikulum 2013? Ada apa?

Hi peeps!

Recently I opened this www.1cak.com website, and I saw several posts about 2013 Curriculum. Some of them, well, most of them complained about it. I know I'm not in elementary or junior high or high school anymore and I have never experienced the curriculum, but I have a little sister going through it. So yeah I know a little.

These are some of the posts on the website.

Copyright 1cak.com/priyobayu

Copyright 1cak.com/flokasih

Copyright 1cak.com/devaraarifin

After I checked them out, I asked my lil sis, "What is it like, 2013 Curriculum?". She answered, "So-so. Well, I know it is a bit harder then before, but I can live it.". I asked her about the duration of studying in school, the 'skripsi' thing, the go-to-school-in-Saturday-thing, the searching-for-studying-materials-by-our-selves-thing, and she answered, "Well, to be honest I don't go to school at 6 and go home at 15, it applies to the new 10th graders. But it happened to me when I was in elementary school, and I was cool with it. I went to school in Saturday since I was in junior high school, so I'm also fine with it. I always search my studying materials by myself since long ago and I like it, since I can discuss about them with my teachers and I get to choose studying materials that I love and into them. But, I think the 'skripsi' thing is a little too far. I don't appreciate it. Many school students are having problems with writing papers and journals, and I bet university students are too.".

Well, those are my little sister's own opinion, not mine, so don't judge me :)

Oh yes, just a little addition. If you think marriage is easier then school, you should give it a shot :) You will be working for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 4-5 weeks a month (well, it depends on the month), and 12 month a year :) If I were you, I'd rather choose school to marriage :)

Guess I should stop using smileys. Okay, that's all for now, thanks for reading :) goddamnit.

Painless Death

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. By "a while" I mean around 11 months since I was eager to write a post.
Okay, recently I watched this movie : VALKYRIE or as written in Germany, Walküre. It stars Tom Cruise. Well I can only recognise him, I don't know any other actors.

I was a bit to late to watch this movie, I know. But that's not a problem, is it? It brought me back to the Nazi years, circa 1940. In the end of the movie, Tom Cruise (in the movie he portrayed Colonel Stauffenberg) and any other of his colonies were shot to death as the penalty for their attempted murder towards Adolf Hitler. His companion, General Olbricht was called to the execution yard. Olbricht looked very uneasy and afraid, until Stauffenberg told him to look at his executors right in the eye, and they will remember him. Olbricht was dragged to the execution yard, he looked at his executors eyes, he only stood still and spruced his outfit, and bam, he died. Suddenly I imagined if I were him and I stood in the place where my dead body will be and I was only a few seconds away from death, and after the bullet struck my chest I would be laying on the ground, no pain felt, only memories of my life played like a movie inside my head for 7 minutes and then I'm no longer exist.

I asked my Papa after watching that movie, "Pa, would you rather to be murdered by arson, stabbed on your stomach with army knife, or shot by a gun right at your heart?". Then my Papa answered, "I'd rather die by natural causes, but from your options, I prefer to be shot by a gun. Because it will be painless, quick death.". Why do people choose to die quickly, eventough it is painless? Being stabbed on your stomach with army knife will be better, I guess. There will be pains, of couse, but there also be chances to live. You still can pull the knife out, and hold down your blood lost before someone's help come.

Well, I don't know, I post this because I just want to pour my fear of death. I know, eventually all creatures will be faced the death, but isn't that natural if I fear death? I also know people will say that I love my world too much and not ready to face the death, but isn't everyone?

That would be all. I don't know how to end this post, but thanks for reading, have a really nice day, and one quote from the movie Final Destination, you can't cheat death.